My Blog

Okay, so I'm being a bit sarcastic with that meme ... I'm pretty average looking.

So here’s the scoop on me.

Keep me stimulated on all levels: I'm as much interested in what's in your brain as what is protruding from your groin. Looking for the right combination of personality, intelligence, sexiness, humor, physique and humility. In other words, the Unicorn.

Physically, I tend to be attracted to men who are 5’10” or taller, athletic, short, dark hair. Bonus hottie points for a goatee, but if you’re restricted to no facial hair because of military, police or other job rules, that’s cool too. 45-60 is an ideal age range for me.

My ultimate desire is to find a monogamous LTR, and yes, I know I will never find it here. No condescending lectures please. Hint: debating, badgering or criticizing anyone on this site about their preferences is not cool. I block freely if someone gets weird with me or if they are just too stalkerish - you have been warned.

Physically, I am not athletic or svelte. I’m 5’8” tall, curvy and post-menopausal. This means I’m not built like a female body-builder, my skin isn’t taut, my boobs aren’t perky. I stay active but I’m not a gym rat. Salt-n-pepper hair, sometimes looks more salt than pepper, depending on the light. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but not homely either.

I’m not into a bunch of kinks. If you are a man and have photos of yourself dressed like a woman, we’re not suited for each other. If you are on this site as a couple, we’ll never be more than chat buddies, at best.

For those who give a rat's ass, I'm basically an INTP personality (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiver). Look it up if you’re unfamiliar with personality types.

I have one health issue that often deters potential suitors looking for quick sex; I’ll leave it at that. It’s a very private matter that I generally do not discuss in print.

Just looking for a few good chat friends, or maybe one special friend, so don't get needy. As a general rule, DON'T hit me up for chats if you're working on your morning or midnight-hour wood. Also don't anticipate anything beyond a non-sexual friendship from me if you are MARRIED or ATTACHED.

If I don't respond to your IM on your first (or 2nd or 3rd) try, it might be the fault of this site. If I don't respond to your continual IMs, it means I'm not interested. Take the hint and move on please...I'm really not into you.

If you ask me for a pic in chat, you need to be willing to share one first. I'm not interested in seeing your private-reserve dick pics, and no, I don't have naked pics to share, get over that.

In my ideal world, I’d live with a view of both the mountains and the ocean, in a warm but not humid climate, lots of sunshine. I currently do not live in any of those biomes.

I enjoy blogging, sharing my thoughts … it’s a release for me that I don’t have elsewhere. I also enjoy reading other thoughtful and humorous blogs, written in English. In my private life, I enjoy digging in the dirt to grow things, movie-going, and my preference in fiction is historical novels, who-dunits, psychological thrillers, etc.

I still work full-time, and am hoping to leave that life next year. I’ll always work, but the second version will be on my own terms and of my own design.

Congratulations, you made it all the way to the end! If you still want to IM me, open with this line: "I made it all the way to the end!"
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To chat or not to chat
Posted:Dec 11, 2018 3:44 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2018 4:29 pm

The point of an IM or a chat room is to chat, yes?

Aside from the technical glitches this site is known for, there are frequently a number of IMs that come my way where there is an intro statement, "Hi," (Yeah, not great opening material) followed by a response from me, then ..... nothing.

W.T.H. is that all about?

Oh yeah, wait ... ASIDE from the technical glitches this site is known for, that's the 'I-think-I'll-open-a-chat-with-her-so-I-have-something-to-fantasize-about-while-I-stroke' strategy.


Thanks guys, but no thanks. Don't waste my time or your three free IMs for the day.

Sleep Deprivation (an article)
Posted:Dec 11, 2018 2:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2018 5:52 pm

Here’s what really happens when you’re sleep deprived
by Dr. Michael Breus

Here’s what really happens when you’re sleep deprived

I recently returned from a weeklong trip to Hong Kong. During my travels, I used all the strategies I know work to protect sleep during long-distance journeys: shifting sleep and eating schedules in the direction of destination time, staying hydrated, napping strategically on long flights, and making sure to control the environment (I brought my own sleep kit)—whether plane or hotel—so it’s sleep friendly.

Still, going halfway around the world and back left me somewhat sleep deprived, and I am pretty good at this. I felt it in everything from my thinking skills, to my appetite, to my mood and my outlook.

It was a potent reminder to me of how truly global the effects of sleep deprivation are to the brain and body, whether it’s the occasional night of too-little sleep or the larger, more chronic sleep debt so many people face. With that in mind, it feels like a good time for a check-in about ways sleep deprivation can interfere with your health, your safety, your relationships, and your performance.

You gain weight

Poor sleep isn’t the only factor in weight gain, of course—there are several, including your genetics, your diet and exercise habits, your stress, and your health conditions. But the evidence is overwhelming: when sleep goes down, weight goes up.

And it doesn’t take a long time, or a lot of sleep deprivation, to bring the weight on. A fascinating study from researchers at the University of Colorado found that one week of sleeping about 5 hours a night led participants to gain an average of 2 pounds.

Lacking sleep, you experience multiple changes to your body that can lead to weight gain. Sleep deprivation causes changes to hormones that regulate hunger and appetite. The hormone leptin suppresses appetite and encourages the body to expend energy. Sleep deprivation reduces leptin. The hormone ghrelin, on the other hand, triggers feelings of hunger—and ghrelin goes up when you’re short on sleep.

Sleep deprivation changes what foods you’re most interested in eating, creating more intense cravings for fat and sugar-laden foods. Low on sleep, your brain can’t make reasoned decisions and use its best judgment about food, and you’re more likely to be impulsive and give into junk-food desires. (More on the powerful effects of sleep deprivation on the brain soon.)

We also know that even after a moderate amount of sleep deprivation, you’re likely to eat more the next day. And lack of sleep makes you more likely to eat more of your overall calories at night, which can lead to weight gain.

I talked a few weeks ago about a really interesting new study on sleep and sugar consumption, which showed that increasing sleep amounts reduced sugar intake significantly—by about 10 grams. The American Heart Association’s recommended maximum daily intake of added sugar is 36 grams for men, and 25 grams for women, which gives you some idea of just how significant a 10-gram reduction really is. That study also showed boosting sleep amounts started participants on a trend toward lowering their fat and carbohydrate intake.

You have less sex

You might have seen the recent news that nearly a third of American couples are interested in a “sleep divorce,” according to a new survey. More than 30 percent of survey-takers said they’d prefer to sleep separately from their partners—and 10 percent said they’d had an earlier relationship end over sleep issues. I understand and support the drive to get a good night’s sleep, even if that means partners sleeping in separate beds. Rather than a “sleep divorce,” I’d prefer to see couples address the fundamental sleep issues that are driving them apart—whether that’s snoring, restlessness, sleeping in a bed that’s too small, or struggling to manage differing sleep schedules.

Attending to the core problems that are leading couples to consider sleeping apart would result in better sleep—and more sex.

We all know being tired can decrease the likelihood partners will want to have sex—especially at the end of a long day. (Despite the long-held social convention, 10 or 11 p.m. is, biologically-speaking, about the worst time to have sex, thanks in large part to low levels of the hormones that drive sexual desire. When are those arousal hormones at their highest? First thing in the morning.)

But the effects of sleep deprivation on sex lives go way beyond the we’re-too-tired-tonight issue.

Sleep deprivation can affect both sexual arousal and sexual function, in both men and women, resulting in less pleasurable, less frequent sex. In men, sleep deprivation lowers testosterone. A recent study found one week of sleeping just under 5 hours a night sent testosterone levels in healthy young men plummeting 10-15 percent. (There’s also worrisome research accumulating that sleeping too little—or too much—may reduce men’s fertility.) Sleep deprivation is also strongly linked to erectile dysfunction.

In women, sleep deprivation may also lower levels of testosterone, a hormone important to female sex drive. Research show sleep deprivation reduces physical arousal and desire in women—and that getting additional sleep boosts next-day arousal. The effects of poor sleep in women haven’t received the degree of scientific attention they deserve—we need more research to understand how sleep deprivation—especially a chronic sleep debt—might contribute to sexual problems in women.

Reading one another’s sexual interest also becomes harder when sleep deprived. A 2013 study found that men, when sleep deprived even for a single night, overestimated women’s interest in sex. Scientists attributed this to the effects of sleeplessness on the brain’s frontal lobe, where we assess risk, manage inhibition, and make complex judgment calls.

You look, and feel, older

I don’t know anyone—man or woman—who wants to look and feel older than they are. Getting plenty of sleep is one way to help prevent that. I call sleep nature’s Botox—and here’s why:

During sleep—particularly during deep, slow-wave sleep, the body produces more human growth hormone, or HGH, and goes to work repairing and refreshing cells throughout the body—including cells of the skin, muscles, and bone. Short on sleep, you risk losing out on this important rejuvenation—and it’s going to show in how you look and feel.

Ever look in the mirror after a few nights of poor sleep and think your skin looks tired? Sleep is critical to the health of your skin—and to its youthful appearance. The boost in HGH is related to increases in the production of collagen, the protein that gives skin its elasticity and firmness, and helps keep wrinkles at bay. Research shows that sleep deprivation interferes with collagen production and can weaken the integrity of the skin.

Healthy, plentiful sleep is important to maintaining muscle mass—and sleep deprivation is linked to both reduced muscle mass and muscle strength in both men and women, particularly with age. Sleep deprivation also can interfere with bone health, reducing bone density and the production of new, strong bone.

Losing strength and mass in muscles and bones can affect everything from your posture to your flexibility to your ability to exercise and be active, to how well you heal after injury. To stay looking and feeling youthful, we need our muscles and bones strong and ready to work for us—and they need sleep to do that work.

Your risk for accident and injury goes through the roof

Whether you’re at home, on the job, on the sports field or behind the wheel, when sleep deprived you’re at much higher risk for accident and injury. I’ve written before about the dangers that not getting enough sleep poses to your safety, and research that shows how insomnia is a major risk factor for accidental death.

The effects on the brain from sleep deprivation are in many ways similar to the effects of drinking too much alcohol—yet drowsy driving still doesn’t get nearly the attention as drunk driving. Some of the latest research from AAA shows drivers who slept even 1 hour less than they typically do are at significantly higher risk for motor-vehicle crashes. And the more sleep deprivation piles on, the higher the crash risk goes. The study found drivers who slept less than 4 hours the night before had more than 11 times the crash rate as drivers who slept 7 or more hours a night.

The workplace becomes much less safe when you’re sleep deprived. According to the National Sleep Foundation, highly sleep-deprived workers are 70 percent more likely to be in work-related accidents than well rested workers.

And a lack of sleep is linked to a higher risk of injury in athletes—including teenage athletes.

Accident risks are often talked about in relation to obstructive sleep apnea—and it’s true, that the presence of OSA raises significantly your risk of accident and injury. But NOT having OSA doesn’t protect you against accidental injury, if you’re not getting enough sleep. No matter how your sleep is disrupted or cut short, you’re more vulnerable to accidents.

You don’t heal as quickly from illness and injury

There’s brand new research that suggests sleep is more important than nutrition to healing. The study is particularly interesting because the scientists set out to test how a nutritional boost might speed wound healing, even in the presence of sleep deprivation. Instead, they found it was sleep that really accelerated healing—and a lack of sleep slowed it down. This is consistent with other research showing that sleep deprivation slows the healing process.

Sleep has a powerful effect on the immune system, so it’s not just wound healing, but all forms of recovery from illness, injury, and disease that are affected by sleep. Your risks for coming down with an illness are greater when you’re sleep deprived, and it will take you longer to recover.

We’ve known for a while of the relationship between sleep and immune function. Both sleep and immune system activity are both regulated by circadian rhythms. And sleep—especially slow-wave sleep—is a time when the body’s immune activity goes into high gear, releasing more of its fighter cells, repairing damaged cells, and pushing back against disease. From the common cold to cancer, we’ve seen scientific evidence supporting sleep’s role in fighting illness.

New research looked at the sleep patterns and immune function in pairs of identical twins, to show that sleep deprivation depresses the immune system. In a study that re-created real-world sleep patterns, scientists found the twins who slept less had less robust immune activity than their longer-sleeping siblings.

If you’re sleep deprived, you not only weaken your immune system, but you also deprive yourself of the time when body naturally does some of its best work to heal and repair itself.

Remember, when you’re sleep deprived, you’re not just facing one of these issues: you’re more than likely grappling with all of them. Think about that the next time you’re tempted to shortchange your sleep because something else seems more important.

Posted:Dec 9, 2018 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 4:05 pm

I realize that I am treading some very dangerous water here by sharing this particular blog entry, but as the expression goes ‘the truth will set you free.’ Consider this a rare rant about something serious, something about sex, and something besides the frivolous commentary usually seen in blogs here.

Many of the profiles posted on this and similar sites contain the phrase “D&D free,” or similar wording. I don’t dispute that the owners of those profiles intend for that phrase to assure their potential lovers that no nasty bugs will pass during coitus, but it’s a weak bit of reassurance, IMO. Unless you are tested immediately before having sex with someone, and get those results immediately, your previous status means very little, especially since the standard tests are usually limited to about 6 different diseases, and there are about 30 actual STDs/STIs. Test results are only as good as the day your samples were tested; if you have sex the day after, you run the risk of becoming less-than D&D free. Nevertheless, I get it. It’s intended to imply … safety .. and the person in the profile is probably hoping that the self-labeling will get him/her laid quicker or more often.


From the perspective of a person with an incurable (but quite common) STD, please let me share my thoughts.

I contracted HSV2 from someone over 30 years ago and I didn't even know I had it until I had a breakout after I became a mother (the change in my personal biology probably triggered the breakout.) Sexual safety wasn’t as big an issue then as it is now, at least not in my social circle. The bigger concern was an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t know who gave it to me, and I’m not sure if he even knew he had it. Regardless, he was guilty of spreading an STD, and I was guilty of naivete and not asking the right question beforehand. Done and done.

But let’s put one thing right out there and dispel some misconceptions. Well, maybe a couple of things.

First, it only takes ONE sexual experience to contract a disease. It could be your first sexual encounter, or your 500th … it just takes one time with someone who carries a virus or a bacteria that could be passed to you. This is not a morality issue people … STDs are a fact of life, and everyone who is sexually active is subject to contracting something, sometime in their lifetime. And on the issue of morality … check any ‘holier-than-thou’-ness at the door. Consensual sex is not the only way to contract a disease; if you are a child you are just as likely to contract HSV1 by getting a kiss from your great Aunt Martha when you’re a kid and then guilty if you spread it as an adult to someone you have oral sex with. And lest we dare forget, victims of sexual assault are often the unluckiest of the unlucky … they are crime victims but can also be the unwilling recipient of STDs in the process. So much for moral judgments.

Second … it rankles me that a person without an STD (or perceived to have no infectious disease) calls themselves “clean,” while anyone with an STD is considered the opposite … “dirty.” This is how slut-shaming, stereotypes and bad jokes are allowed to exist unchecked. Consider that STDs or STIs have been at all-time highs for the past several years, and then decide if it’s wise to point the finger. How many people are guilty of spreading infection because they are in denial about their own health, too scared to disclose to potential partners, or just don’t give a damn about anyone else except themselves? How many of your friends or relatives may be silently suffering when the horrible jokes are made and everyone laughs about STDs, or when you brag about your own ‘cleanliness?’

I disclose to anyone I might be considering having sex with, if our relationship gets to that level, and I don't take it lightly. It is the right thing to do. And yes, it gets me shut down most of the time. And yes, I will get some email or responses to this that will consist of name-calling or lectures, telling me I’m dirty, disgusting or whatever other self-righteous beratement they can come up with. But that’s okay. I’d rather take the high road than be accused of being deceitful. I’d rather give a potential lover the choice, because I wasn’t given the choice and I have paid the price. WIth medication, use of condoms and avoidance during times when I am most likely to pass an infection, there is only about a 1% chance of me spreading my illness to a partner. I was married for 32 years and my late husband never contracted it. Much better odds to have sex with me than with someone who doesn’t know their risk factor, or worse, who knows and doesn’t disclose to you. Just saying...

Don’t tell me you’re sorry about my situation, and don’t give in to the hype. Speak your truth and support others who are not brave enough to speak their own truth yet.

The truth will set us all free.
In the spirit of the season...
Posted:Dec 7, 2018 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2018 7:39 am
I wish everyone the good fortune of being on the receiving end of whatever their heart desires this holiday season, I really do.

With that said, I would like to add:

1. If you have the word "discreet" in your profile, it should only pertain to keeping your sexual profile completely distinct from your professional /career life. I have no interest in sneaking around with married or attached men for sex, period. I will not be in your Christmas stocking on Christmas Eve.
2. If I say I have no interest in married or attached men, it means no physical intimacy of any kind, period. There are no 'degrees' of intimacy with me that are permissible if you are married or attached, period. A married guy recently asked me if that included kissing. Oi. I will not be in your Christmas stocking on Christmas Eve.
3. If there are any questions, refer to #1 and #2, above.

Lest I confuse anyone with these disclaimers, I repeat: I will not be in your Christmas stocking on Christmas Eve.

To conclude, I wish you your heart’s desire this holiday season.

Bloom where you're planted ...
Posted:Dec 2, 2018 6:01 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2018 4:15 am

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Sleep Deprivation (an article) (5)wantaplay8
Dec 12, 2018 4:37 pm
To chat or not to chat (5)wantaplay8
Dec 12, 2018 4:23 pm
Dec 10, 2018 7:26 am
In the spirit of the season... (6)PAWAPh
Dec 7, 2018 7:27 pm
Bloom where you're planted ... (5)Xjesmok
Dec 2, 2018 8:47 pm