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Another lovely lady.
Posted:Sep 16, 2020 2:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2020 7:22 pm
I don't know what anyone else might think of her, but I'm going try and post some pics every so often of some of my favourite ladies.

Her name is Julia Asthon, not be confused with the American actress of the similiar name. She's French, and I think there's just something about her.

How to deal with feeling like crap
Posted:Jul 6, 2020 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2020 2:01 pm

Well I really am in a total rut. After the last text post I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. I waited months to get on a counsellor, and got about two or three half an hour to an hour appointments before lockdown.

I'll be honest, I wasn't impressed, I just feel it was the same old vanilla stuff, the sort of talking you get with the samaritans and all that could be suggested was taking antidepressants.

I had taken them for about a year before and nothing changed, I'm already on 25-30 pills daily, I don't want any more. I feel that theres a good chance I'm having problems with my present medication as I'm frequently feeling nauseous.

The worst though is the life and soul crushing depression. Days where you think of nothing else but what would be the easiest way to end it all. Looking at pages on the proper way to do a hangmans knot, or finding the quickest most efficient way to die.

The useless counsellor asked waht was wrong. I said intense loneliness, feelings of hopelessness, no prospects, financial problems, extreme financial problems, lack of energy, lack of motivation and no purpose. His answer to everything, bloody pills. He had kept in occasional contact when lockdown started and then said he didn't see any point in going on.

So I wait months for a sub standard service...

Life is unendurable, and I can't face the prospects of years to come, alone,
1 comment
Sexy Milf
Posted:Jun 27, 2020 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2020 9:43 pm
This lady is one of my favourites, her name is Camilla. Personally I think she is a very lovely lady. What do you think.

Post fest season
Posted:Jan 19, 2020 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2020 2:01 pm

Well, I survived what could jokingly be called the festive season, and things are not good.

It's not normal to continually contemplate death and almost welcome it. Christmas was as bad as you could expect, especially with no family connections to speak of, no loved ones and Christmas day was just another 'normal' day, whatever that is.

I've lost benefits I had for disability despite being on a battery of pills, and been deemed perfectly fit. I now have to survive on a pittance. I joined some time ago a group around mental health issues and to be honest I don't feel it doing any good. Its all the usual trite answers. Go for a walk....great, if you're feeling crushing and depressing loneliness going for a solo walk really will help. Get a dog/cat. I can barely afford to keep myself, never mind feed a pet and the inevitable vet bills, plus I live in a tiny flat, it wouldn't be fair to the animal either. Then the usual.."things will get better", when you feel like life has no meaning, you have no prospects, no worth in the world, and that basically life has no meaning, hackneyed lines like that are no help at all.
1 comment
The not so festive season
Posted:Nov 13, 2019 4:18 pm
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2020 5:25 pm

Well it's coming to that time of year again. Christmas, and all that goes with it.

I'll make no apologies, this is not my favourite time of the year, it never has been, but come the 2nd of January it will be four years since my Mum died. I know some say you should get over it, but we each deal with things in our own way.

This has been a year of contrasts for me. I'm awaiting an appointment for what most likely will be therapy as I've been told I'm suffering from depression. For a time it was really bad. I phoned the Samaritans about a dozens times in a couple of weeks and was seriously thinking in ending it. Recently it's not been so bad but varies from day to day.

On the other hand, I believe I've fell in love, but it is, I think, unrequited. I made a friend through my voluntary work, and unfortunately for me, she's spoken for. Her relationship doesn't seem exactly 100%, and without any embarrasment I will say I have really fallen for her. We've become close friends and I think she has changed aspects of my life. I've lost a lot of weight, changed my diet etc. Taken up new interests and so on. It's not just a physical attraction, I find her so easy to relate to, and I'm sure this isn't just a crush.

To get back on track though, this is the festive season and I can't stand the overcommercialisation of it. I'm not religious, so it's not that aspect, but tacky stuff round about and overly tacky Christmas songs really get up my goat. I guess I have a "Bah humbug" approach, but what can you do.

At least so far I haven't had to put up with any of Cliff Richards "Mistletoe and Wine".....yet.
How to get out of this total rut
Posted:Aug 28, 2019 6:04 pm
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2020 5:24 pm

I haven't been on here for a wee while, be honest Ive not had the motivation. For some reason in recent times I've just felt the crushing onset of depression. I had a spell after Mother died a few years back, but this is even worse.

For some reason everything seems have suddenly come on top of me. I've been having suicidal thoughts which fortunately I haven't followed through with yet, but I don't feel that I have anything live for.

I'm going make a confession, I've never had a relationship of any kind due various circumstances throughout life that made very withdrawn, mostly due health issues.

Just recently though there have been various things that seem have got on top of . I'm not enjoying work at all, sleep patterns are away hell, I've no energy, and I'm constantly thinking dark thoughts.

The sole bright spot in life recently has been a lady friend I've made in this town. She's a few years older than , but I'll admit that I have fallen for her hard. Unfortunately she already has someone, but she is a good friend.

I just find myself in this rut, thinking that no one would miss me, and what do I have live for..
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X amount of people viewed you
Posted:Jan 4, 2019 6:38 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2019 5:38 pm

Has anyone else been getting a rise in the numberr of new people viewing you recently?

Strange thing is that they're all fairly blank profiles but have mentioned a site, the line going as such

"http://Find adult friendz.com - Sex dating. Sign Up!"

Is this a spam thing, or one of Find adult friendz's affiliate sites?
Babylon Berlin
Posted:Dec 22, 2018 11:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2019 6:19 pm

For some reason in recent months I've taken more of an interest in the lates twenties and swinging thirties. In a way I've always had an interest in this era due to my long time interest in World War 2 and the rise of Nazism.

However, I've been reading a Scottish author, Phillip Kerr who had a series with a character called Bernie Gunther. It's set in this era. At the beginning Bernies a detective with Berlin Kripo (Kriminalpolizei), but he hates the Nazis and the Communists being a Weimar man.

Anyway, in related, a short while ago there was a series shown in the UK and USA called Babylon Berlin. It was the most expensive German TV production ever.

Any fans of noir era should check it out. It perfectly captures the decadent era of Berlin in that time being set in 1929.

Unfortunately it seems in the USA they've dubbed the series, and not very well. I watched it with subtitles. A very good series that keeps you guessing.

This is the main theme song with a montage of the show

Is this site sometiomes blocked
Posted:Dec 19, 2018 11:48 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2019 6:20 pm

I decided to check out the blog posts while out on my phone. Using the data I've got with my plan I got no joy (no pun intended) trying to connect.

Any other site worked okay, a few forums I visit, Facebook, Wikipedia, news site, but Find adult friendz just wouldn't connect.

This led me to believe my mobile provider has put a block on Find adult friendz.

Anyone else had this? Is it a mon issue. I bet I wouldnt get this if I tried to access Pornhub or Youporn, but Find adult friendz is blocked. That seems strange.
Have this site changed so much?
Posted:Dec 13, 2018 12:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2020 6:40 pm

I've not been on this site for a while. I've came back and it seems to have changed and I can't say for the better. I've still got a few friends in my network. One I'm especially happy to still have as she is a lovely lady. Some of the others have either disappeared (perhaps turned their profiles off) or just stopped posting.

I'm either out of practice or something, but the site seems more clunky. I remember before if you were friends with someone you could check out their pictures and so on, but this is no longer true. It seems unless you are a gold member you can't even watch broadcasts.

I understand that the Gold members keep this site going with their memberships, but there seems to be a lot more limitations than there used to be.
Your favourite song
Posted:Feb 29, 2016 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2018 11:49 pm

What's your favourite romantic/sentimental song?

I'll admit to being a bit of a sucker for older music and this is one of mine, and with the recent death of my mother seems a bit more poignant

One of my favourite songs is an oldie but goodie.

We're All Alone by Rita Coolidge


Outside the rain begins and it may never end
So cry no more on the shore
A dream will take us out to sea
Forever more forever more
Close your eyes and dream
And and you can be with me
'Neath the waves through the caves of hours
Long forgotten now
We're all alone
We're all alone

Close the window
Calm the light
And it will be alright
No need to bother now
Let it out
Let it all begin
Learn how to pretend

Once a story's told
It can't help but grow old
Roses do
Lovers too
So cast your seasons to the wind
And hold me dear
Oh, hold me dear

Close the window
Calm the light
And it will be alright
No need to bother now
Let it out
Let it all begin
All's forgotten now
We're all alone
oh-oh, we're all alone

Close the window
Calm the light
And it will be alright
No need to bother now
Let it out
Let it all begin
Owe it to the wind, my love
Is there any way to filter out unwanted notfications?
Posted:Feb 20, 2016 9:40 pm
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2016 9:45 pm

I do watch some of the member cams every now and then, but never the live action cam models. However, I've noticed in recent times frequently getting spammed with an invited to watch a 21 year old Russian female model whose name I won't reveal here, but I imagine I'm not the only on getting it.

Getting an invite once is one thing, but when its frequent, well.....

Is there a way of blocking someone?
1 comment
Posted:Feb 2, 2016 7:32 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2016 9:38 am
I posted late last year about my mother taking ill, she died on the 2nd of January. As you can imagine it's a pretty miserable time, and I'm overwhelmed by it all. I took over the tenancy of the house, it was rented. Utility bills, cancellation of all state benefits, pensions etc and it seems as if you just were making progress when something else was going to come along.

My mum wasn't what you would call rich, but even if she had been she wanted the very simplest of funerals or cremations. She didn't agree with these ceremonies that lasted a short time and cost thousands, and to be honest neither do I. IMHO once you're gone, you're gone. I know that might shock some people especially the more devout but even if you have strong religious beliefs the body is after all just a shell. We have no famiiy plots in any graveyards, and its something that in a small country like the UK is becoming increasingly rare. I've heard some countries in Europe, even family plots are exhumed after a time and the site 'recycled' for the use of the further generations in the family, whether thats true or not.....I don't know.

ANYWAY, a cheap and simple cremation was done, initially I was going to have the ashes scattered at the crematorium but somehow, something was niggling me that if I didn't have them back I would regret it later on. Whether I scatter them myself, keep them, or whatever I haven't decided.

One things for sure, I wouldn't try and scatter ashes in the weather we've been getting. The photo showing what it's been like lately.
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